I have never teared so much in my entire life. To say no to the things you don't like is easy but to say the same no to something you like...is torturing. And if you had to say no because you cant say yes...is definitely heart breaking. No need to guess what happened, no need to ask what happened. I don't enjoy going through it and definitely don't enjoy sharing the experience. I don't like what's happening. Yes, I am extremely disappointed, furious, mad. Feeling defeated, lost and even cheated. And all these have to happen at the peak of my busy schedules with over 8,000 pictures (from my latest three concerts) to look through. I can't do it! I am giving up!!!
As I write now, surfing on McD's WiFi signals somewhere outside KL, watching the morning sun rise up, its something I have not seen for a long time. That reminds me of the beautiful creation God made. But somehow, I am not thrilled at all. This day isn't for me. It is not a day I look forward to. Neither is it a day I would enjoy going through. My heart is just far too heavy for anything now.
Spent the last 2 hours sleeping in my car before dropping by here at this McD. I am very tired. Its a long drive back. I don't feel like going back. I wanted to take a break, go for a holiday (as in just do nothing) at some quite and peaceful place...maybe a beach, just staring at the sunset every evening and letting the sea breeze sweep your skin. I am not sure if this is still an option for me.
I don't know what else to say though I know I have a million things to share. There are so many things I want to do but was never given enough chances. There are so many things I wish to know but was denied the various opportunities. I ask God, why are these things happening to me. He gave me answers not many people can accept.
I guess I will have to walk through this journey...ALONE.