When I name this post, I do not mean that I have the capacity nor the wisdom to handle the matter. Neither am I writing as though I am giving any form of advice on the said matter. I am writing because some of you believe that I am very stressed out lately and I just want to take this opportunity to share a lil bit about "my stress stories".
Indeed, this last few months I have been subjected to immense stress, especially this last few weeks. Things seem to be turning around over, showing their unpleasant sides. During my recent medical check up, I asked my doctor about the sharp pains in my heart and he said, after reading my medical report, that the pains come from stress...either work or emotion. Knowing that my work load is still manageable, I believe its the latter that is causing the sharp pains in my heart.
Many things contribute to the stress I am experiencing lately. Yes, you name it...its probably in my list of "stress items". From work, to health, to money, to happiness, to religion, to relationship, to chuch matters, to peace, to future, to matters revolving around myelf...my role, my status, my duties, my commitment, my responsibilities, etc. I used to like what I am and enjoy being who I am. But lately, I seem to want to see some changes and some even say that my "taste" changed.
I used to like big cars, thus my huge BMW that I am driving now. But now, I prefer a small car to move around. I no longer want the branding of a BMW nor the glory. I just want a small car to serve my needs. Thats it. By the way, I have already placed an order for my new Suzuki Swift...should be arriving middle next week.
I used to be on fire for the church and when there is something going on in the church, you bet I'll be the first to arrive that evening. But now, I kinda want some time for myself, allowing myself to take up other non-church related opportunities. I don't seem to have that energy level to run here and run there for the church. Someone commented that I am backsliding from God. But is taking a break now after serving the ministry for 10 years "backsliding"? My pastors are pressuring me to deliver my duties but I really feel like handing over the baton to someone else. I need a break.
About my future...what will I be and where will I be...5 years down the road? Would I still come backk to the same house meeting the same people? Would I still be a photographer and running events? Would I still be subjected to the same types of stress I am experiencing now? Would life be better? Would life be more meaningful? How much will "change" take place?
Sometimes, I feel very lonely. Sometimes, I feel very hurt. Sometimes, I feel very disappointed with things. Sometimes, I just hide and cry. Sometimes, I feel...like quitting everything.
I live on the 17th floor of an average condominium here in KL and it has a breezy balcony with a nice view. And at 17 floors up, when you cry, you have the winds to accompany your tears as they roll off my cheeks. Sound waves fade away easily too, so nobody "hears" me!
I can't pour out everything here on this blog because of obvious reasons. Sigh. To all my "stress matters"...help me work things out. Your pressure is expected but do faithfully walk with me till I reach de-stress zone. I know its not easy but let's try. Once we reach that hopeful point, then you o' "stress matters" can be a part of my life and we can live harmoniously.
Stress has always been a part of everyone's life. Its about how you manage the stress. You can either make it your enemy and fight it out everyday. Or you can make it a part of your life, dilute it and make it "friendly".
Cheers
Indeed, this last few months I have been subjected to immense stress, especially this last few weeks. Things seem to be turning around over, showing their unpleasant sides. During my recent medical check up, I asked my doctor about the sharp pains in my heart and he said, after reading my medical report, that the pains come from stress...either work or emotion. Knowing that my work load is still manageable, I believe its the latter that is causing the sharp pains in my heart.
Many things contribute to the stress I am experiencing lately. Yes, you name it...its probably in my list of "stress items". From work, to health, to money, to happiness, to religion, to relationship, to chuch matters, to peace, to future, to matters revolving around myelf...my role, my status, my duties, my commitment, my responsibilities, etc. I used to like what I am and enjoy being who I am. But lately, I seem to want to see some changes and some even say that my "taste" changed.
I used to like big cars, thus my huge BMW that I am driving now. But now, I prefer a small car to move around. I no longer want the branding of a BMW nor the glory. I just want a small car to serve my needs. Thats it. By the way, I have already placed an order for my new Suzuki Swift...should be arriving middle next week.
I used to be on fire for the church and when there is something going on in the church, you bet I'll be the first to arrive that evening. But now, I kinda want some time for myself, allowing myself to take up other non-church related opportunities. I don't seem to have that energy level to run here and run there for the church. Someone commented that I am backsliding from God. But is taking a break now after serving the ministry for 10 years "backsliding"? My pastors are pressuring me to deliver my duties but I really feel like handing over the baton to someone else. I need a break.
About my future...what will I be and where will I be...5 years down the road? Would I still come backk to the same house meeting the same people? Would I still be a photographer and running events? Would I still be subjected to the same types of stress I am experiencing now? Would life be better? Would life be more meaningful? How much will "change" take place?
Sometimes, I feel very lonely. Sometimes, I feel very hurt. Sometimes, I feel very disappointed with things. Sometimes, I just hide and cry. Sometimes, I feel...like quitting everything.
I live on the 17th floor of an average condominium here in KL and it has a breezy balcony with a nice view. And at 17 floors up, when you cry, you have the winds to accompany your tears as they roll off my cheeks. Sound waves fade away easily too, so nobody "hears" me!
I can't pour out everything here on this blog because of obvious reasons. Sigh. To all my "stress matters"...help me work things out. Your pressure is expected but do faithfully walk with me till I reach de-stress zone. I know its not easy but let's try. Once we reach that hopeful point, then you o' "stress matters" can be a part of my life and we can live harmoniously.
Stress has always been a part of everyone's life. Its about how you manage the stress. You can either make it your enemy and fight it out everyday. Or you can make it a part of your life, dilute it and make it "friendly".
Cheers
4 comments:
I think they're just duties that you are expected to fulfill. Many look up to you as the head.
Never easy but always excusable.
i like ur last paragraph hehe
sorry boss can't shoot much for u lately. rushing my final year projek.
but do keep calling me, who knows :)
"Sometimes, I feel very lonely. Sometimes, I feel very hurt. Sometimes, I feel very disappointed with things. Sometimes, I just hide and cry. Sometimes, I feel...like quitting everything."
michael i felt d same ayte now.. stress really got me this time. like u, i do feel like quitting.. =(
hopefully both of us wud find our way to overcome this,soon. =)
hey there... rarely do i comment on stranger's blog but i find your experience pretty similar to mine. i guess it has been 5 months since you wrote this entry. i sure hope you have move forward since then.
maybe, along the way, you realize that your character has been molded. maybe, you realize what is truly important after all.
matt 6:33 is over-quoted but the truth remains...
chin up =)
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